THREE FLYING CARS READY TO ROLL INTO THE SKY

How I've longed since boyhood for the arrival of the flying car. This longing goes back well before Blade Runner or The Jetsons. These have been dangled before us since the Wright Brothers first left the ground. Hell it took about 60 years to figure out that we should put cup holders in the ones we do have. And for that matter why did it take so damned long to make wheels on luggage a standard feature? You kids don’t know the tortures we faced while driving, even into the early 80s. First you had to GUESS how long it would take you to get to the airport to pick up your visiting relative, who left you a message on your answering machine from their house phone when they left Dallas at 7am. You’d likely spill a drink in your lap on the way to the airport where you’d meet Aunt Lucy, hopefully where she said she was going to be hours earlier, and then lug her 55 pound suitcase by its plastic handle all the way to your car from the Delta Terminal. The horror….the horror…

Enter cell phones with interactive maps, cars with built-in cup holders and now finally flying automobiles. 

I’ve seen the photos of these new hybrid gizmos and WOW do they look horrible.  Could we not have taken a page from Tesla and made the first ones look super bitchin so everyone would want one?  At best the good ones look like a Hot Wheel with a Lego wing glued to the top. 

I did get the chance to test drive one for a month and I would like to share my experiences.  

First off, my kids were stressing me out, you’d think they would be happy to look out the window over the Grand Canyon but they would not stop arguing…”Dad she’s coming over to my side.” “Daddy, he’s looking at me funny.” Finally I’m like “You wanna get smacked with this hairbrush? Don’t make me land this car!”  Then of course right after takeoff they both want something to eat. I ripped both mirrors off the sides going through the McDonald's fly-through window. 

And the characters you meet up there in their flying cars.  Saw one guy with a bumper sticker that said, “My other car is right in front of you.”  Cut another guy off over the Rocky Mountains and he went full Air Rage on me, that’s gonna be a problem. 

Oh, trying to parallel park over New Mexico and backed into a 747 heading to New York…I tried to leave a note but it kept blowing away. Also I’ve had some big nasty bugs hit my windshield but this was the first time ever I hit an eagle.

By far the most embarrassing thing that happened was I made a full 6-hour trip across the Pacific Ocean from my house in LA all the way to Honolulu and realized my left-turn signal was on the entire time.

Look I’m sure we will iron out those kinks. Frankly I’d like to skip the part where I have to get a pilot’s license and pay for my own flying Prius. I'd rather just skip right to the SELF flying car. 

Imagine calling Air-Uber, it lands right in your driveway, you get into the limo-like interior and it whisks you off to Las Vegas….no checking your bags, you can take that shampoo bottle on board without the body cavity search, and they drop you right at the valet parking at the hotel. 

I only hope I live to see it!

How lame does this look??