Fun with words....
JUGGERNAUT: A space traveller with large breasts.
SEVERE BLOW: A painful sex act.
MISSPOKE: When a politician you LIKE has lied.
LIE: When a politician you DON'T LIKE has lied.
EVOLVE: When a politician you LIKE has changed their mind.
WAFFLE: When a politician you DON'T like has changed their mind.
SERVED ON A BED OF RICE: Wow! What are the pillows made of??
A NOVEL SOLUTION: I found an ending for my book!
A RARE ILLNESS: Got sick from undercooked meat.
MOUNTING CONCERN: I was wondering if I might be too heavy for her.
SOCIAL UNREST: Staying up too late on Facebook.
DEEPLY OFFENSIVE: A fat naked SCUBA diver.
LESBIANAGE: When a woman spies on her girlfriend because she might be cheating.
TESTICLES: Embarrassingly shaped icicles.
ANTI-AGING: People who just refuse to grow up.
BEGRUNGINGLY: Your cover band wants to do Nirvana songs so you do it just to please them.
FIBRE OPTICS: Prescription eyewear made from broccoli.
FETAL ALCOHOL SYNDROME: This baby is driving me to drink!
CARE BEAR: Burly and hairy gay male nurse.
It's only one book. And here is the cover.
It is a comedy about a hillbilly who is imbued with superpowers and then must help the U.S. government stop a billionaire from his bizarre plan to conquer the earth. There are in fact zombies involved, but not in the way you think. Read the sample on Amazon and see if it tickles your fancy....
Check out Whiskey Tango: A Whole Nuther Kind of Spy Novel
I have two screenplays currently under option so they are not listed here. One is a comedy optioned to LozDos Productions and the other is a comedy optioned by Travis Mann of Cobalt Pictures.
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SCREENPLAYS FOR SALE!
LOGLINE: A ruthless Twitter battle erupts between a bow-hunting, meat-eating rock star and an ultra-woke, and beautiful, vegan blogger. When they finally meet in person they are confronted with the horrible truth that they might be falling in love.
SYNOPSIS: Rufus Quade, the hottest country artist of the last five years, is a bow-hunting, meat-eating conservative good-old-boy from Oklahoma. He's living the dream, until he draws the ire of popular and ultra-woke vegan blogger named Charity Sloan, who lives in a "tiny house" with her over-educated and under-socialized barista boyfriend Tyler. Charity blogs under the name "Citizen Kale," and after very public Twitter battle between her and Rufus quickly gets out of hand, Rufus , rather than face cancellation, decides to extend the olive branch, inviting her to stay at his Oklahoma estate where they might make amends. Charity and Rufus are drawn to each other for reasons they cannot fathom, and almost get together, but Charity's boyfriend Tyler accidentally burns down their tiny house in an attempt to smoke out a termite infestation rather than commit insect genocide. Rufus then invites him to stay at the ranch as well. Rufus's ex-girlfriend popular singer Daisy Dawkins (they split up under mysterious circumstances breaking the hearts of millions) reappears with apparent intentions to rekindle things with Rufus, driving him and Charity further apart. Charity grows to love Rufus and respects the fact that he will not let politics and his friends meddle in his personal life, but Charity cannot seem to do the same. After Charity accidentally reveals the "secret" to the press as to why Rufus and Daisy had split up in the first place, Rufus feels betrayed by her and tells her to get lost. Charity realizes her sophisticated political friends really care nothing for her and she races to Rufus's last show before he and Daisy are to fly to Europe to get married. Think she'll make it in time to patch things up? This story does delve into politics but does not take sides. Politics and affairs of the heart have separate places in our lives and if you care too much about the opinions of others, it may ruin your life.
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Logline: A washed-up, nearly alcoholic ex-tennis-pro takes a job as an assistant to a beautiful but repulsive spoiled-rotten billionaire heiress. After they are forced to abandon her yacht while at sea, they find themselves on a deserted island together and alone. Yeah, you see where this is going....
SYNOPSIS: Nick Ross was once a handsome young tennis pro, but years after a drunken altercation with a referee during a televised game cut his career short, he’s here at some generic Miami country club giving lessons to blue-haired rich folks and bedding down cougars. But his good looks and lightning-fast serve can only get him so far, especially when his two best friends these days are Jack Daniels and Jim Beam. Nick’s attitude gets him fired from the country club gig but luckily his best buddy Shawn needs him to fill in for him as the personal assistant for billionaire heiress Marnie Martin. Nick says there’s no way in hell that will happen, but he soon realizes he has no choice but to take the offer -- and there’s a catch, she only likes GAY assistants.
As faux-mo-sexual Nick begins working with the supremely spoiled and nasty Marnie, he soon realizes that her life is not as glitzy as it seems in the tabloids, and her romance with superstar actor Connor Brooks leaves much to be desired as well. Marnie’s father, the self-made billionaire Abel Martin, devises an extremely silly plan involving some phony pirates from a local theater troupe to teach his idle daughter a lesson, but the whole scheme backfires and Nick and Marnie end up stranded on a deserted island together. There the mismatched pair argue and fumble around for survival, but for Nick, it’s a reset, going off the grid gives him a new take on life and he adjusts to it quickly, while Marnie has more trouble without the adoration of millions of fans to fuel her ego. Nick sees the softer side of Marnie as she adopts a pathetic plastic doll she finds on the island, and the two somehow manage to fall in love.
But as fate would have it, they are rescued, and the whirlwind of fame and the 24-hour news cycle separates them. Marnie readies to do her reality show with her now-fiance Connor Brooks, and Nick, well, Nick loves her enough to let her go. He’s not part of that world any longer. But Marnie realizes that her world is just no good without Nick, Marnie gives up her reality show dream, stands up to her manipulative and scheming agent, rushes into Nick’s arms just before he’s about to set sail for God knows where on his boat, and there you have an extremely satisfying ending to a properly structured hilarious rom-com.
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I recently had some dental work done. I had to get a few wisdom teeth removed. I was in some pain and was not in much of a mood to slow ...
